What's wet, messy, dribbles over tuxedos, fails at the most inappropriate moment, has bits of cork as its main ingredient, is fitted on virtually every brass instrument ever made, and hasn't (perhaps with one exception) changed design since Joshua practised his fortissimo against the Jerichoan Walls? Well, not quite, but certainly since Adolphe Sax invented the seven-belled trumpet. If you haven't guessed by now, you are not a Brass Player. Yes! It's a water key.
Kevlar bells, rocket science cryogenics, precision ground valves to microns of tolerance, perturbatory analysis that would baffle Einstein, super-deluxe, go-faster booster warblers that do absolutely nothing and shop we still use a device on our instruments that wets our shirts - amazing.
Horror stories about water keys abound. Only recently a good friend of mine played a whole concert with his 'finger in the Dyke' when the spring broke after the first note - no Interval. If you would like to share your own personal leaky nightmare drop us a line and we'll publish it.
When the spring breaks - as they do - on a conventional water key, the cry echoes around the ensemble - 'my kingdom for an elastic band'. This being really the only effective emergency method of keeping a small hole on the player's instrument closed, thus allowing him, or her, to complete their performance.